Babysitter dues
by Vonerra
Summary: “Shh, please don’t cry!” She turned to Koenma, “They do feed out of a bottle right?” The babies snickered.
1. Of Infants and Men

_I know infants can't talk but I thought infants sounded much sounded much better than toddlers or babies. this is my first humor fic...scary aint it?_

_Babysitting Dues:_

Of Infants and Men

Four fighters and one team manager stood in front of Koenma, looking bored.

"Change of plans for all of you. Instead of the usual punishment for demons my assistant had a better idea." The five men looked at each other and raised an eyebrow.

The team leader spoke up, "Uh, what sort of punishment Koenma?"

"You'll all be turned into babies." Koenma had been trying to hide his laughter, but at the look on their faces a new peal of laughter flowed through the room. "WHAT?!" The team did not like this idea, and weren't taking it well. The team leader, knowing Kyo all too well scowled. "KYO!" Kyo came running and sliding at the sound of his voice. She took one look at his face and snickered. "So how do you like your punishment?" she asked innocently, trying to hide a grin. "You-you-you...!"

"I see we're very articulate this morning hunh?" Her peal of laughter engulfed the room as the once; tall, mighty men that stood before her were soon turned into miniature, babbling infants. All at once they began to cry. Her amused expression changed to shocked as she began to hurry around the room trying to get them to be quiet.

"Hush, don't cry...!" She picked up Bui and began to rock him while in the other arm she held Sakyo. "Shh, please don't cry!" She turned to Koenma, "They do feed out of a bottle right?" The babies snickered.

"Yes they should."

"Nah uh!" The babies chorused. Kyo looked at them with wide eyes before shaking her head, "I have perverted babies!"

With a flick of her hand a stroller appeared and she set three of the babies in it. Deciding it wasn't best for Toguro and his brother to be in the same stroller with only a couple of inches between them, she simply held them. "If Yusuke sees me, he won't let me live this down!"

"Kyo-Chan...I'm hungwy!" Karasu's lip began to quiver and his eyes teared up again.

"Alright, just hold on a little longer ok?" her face softened as she looked at the five infants. 'They may be a pain, but they sure are cute.'

"Koenma sir? How long is this deal?"

"Glad you asked Kyo, six months." The infants at hearing the question, were doing the best they could to peer over the stroller, but soon burst into chorused, peals of crying. The brothers in her arms began to wail loudly and even begun to beat their tiny fists upon her chest. She looked down at them and smiled. She looked at Ani and snickered. "You haven't shrunk much have you?" For an infant he gave a glare that made her regret those words.

"I'm only kidding...bite my head off why don't you."

"Humph."

"Will food help make you forgive me?" He gave a small smile and nestled as comfortably as he could. She smiled. She turned to Koenma, "Alright, I'll see you in six months if not sooner." She grinned before apparating out of there.


	2. Of Bottles and Diapers

Bue=blue, wed=red, gween=green, bwack=black, swiver=silver 

Babysitter Dues: 

_Of Bottles and Diapers Chpt.2_

Continuously she switched babies, but never letting the two brothers get near each other for the fear of bloodshed. Or at least a couple of bruises and bloody noses. "You know I never got your guy's favorite colors."

She peered at Bui. "Bui?"

He gave her a childish grin, "Bue."

"Blue huh? Good choice." She quirked an eyebrow at Karasu, "Karasu?"

He giggled, "Wed!"

She laughed slightly and shook her head. "And I wonder why?" He stuck his tongue out at her. She tweaked it. "No sticking your tongue out at me mister!" Her voice was mockingly stern and she waggled a finger in his direction. Karasu put his hand over his mouth and glared over the top of his fingers. She put Ototo down and settled Sakyo next to him, picking up Ani in return. Cradling him she asked, "And you mister?"

He looked at her with innocent eyes and she had to stop herself from laughing, "Gween!"

"How'd you know that was my favorite color?" She asked grinning. He merely shrugged as if it were no big deal, "I'm psychwic!" "I'm sure you are." She said giggling.

"Now, Ototo your turn!"

He had his thumb in his mouth and was looking at the shelves along the aisles. He looked at her and smiled. Rolling her eyes she gently yanked his thumb out, "No thumb sucking...you'll need braces if you keep that up!" He pouted and stuck his tongue out. She also tweaked it; "I thought I said no sticking your tongue out!" Again she waggled her finger and held a mockingly stern voice.

"No, you twold Karasu that...not me! Swiver!"

"Silver huh. I like that." She looked at Bui and Ani arguing...

"You guys are impossible." Chuckling she cocked her head at Sakyo. "Well?"

"Hmm...bwack!"

"Black it is." She headed for the baby aisle. One elderly woman, however, stopped her before she could get there. "Aww, you have such adorable babies..."

"Thank you, but there not mine..."

"Fred and I always wanted more, but I could never conceive, they were all still-born, except for two. Two beautiful, healthy boys." The woman smiled, "Take good care of them and feed them well." Kyo sighed and smiled whilst gritting her teeth. "Thank you, I'll be sure to take your word up on it." The lady smiled and nodded before waddling off. Ani cocked his head and looked at her with curiosity. "Concwieve? Swill born?"

Kyo sighed. "Someday I'll tell you."

He shrugged, seemingly content with that answer, "Oh, otay."

She walked down the aisle looking at the baby toys. Kyo couldn't believe how much stuff there was for babies. Grabbing the pacifiers, she threw them in the basket she was carrying and headed for the rattles. "Before I get these I want to know, does any one like rattles?" Bui and Karasu nodded. "Alright, now what else do we need?" Sakyo whined, "Fwood! Kyo-Chan...I'm hungwy!"

"You sound like Karasu!" She chuckled and made her way towards the food. "Peaches, pears or bananas? Or apples." She added, eyeing a can of apples.

"Peaches!" "No, apples!" "Peaches!"

"OH BE QUIET YOU FIVE!" The babies looked at her wide-eyed. "Why don't we just get both?" Kyo shook her head and trudged on. Everything was going fine until...

"Uh, oh...Kyo-Chan! I nweed a diapy change!" All babies began to cry. Kyo slapped her forehead. "Why me?" She looked at them pleadingly. "Oh please hush, Shh its ok...please!" She knelt down beside the cart cooing and stroking their faces trying to get them to calm down. She kissed their foreheads and offered soothing words of comfort, but they were relentless. She threw her hands in the air and groaned. A young woman sat beside Kyo and placed her hand on her shoulder. "Can I help you ma'am?" Kyo looked at the woman and nodded. "They need a diaper change, but I have no diapers. You see I am only babysitting and the guardians didn't leave any supplies for me so I have to start fresh." The woman nodded understandingly. She got up and strolled over to her cart where she reached into a bag and pulled out five diapers. "Here, this should last you until you are able to buy more." Kyo took them and thanked the lady graciously. The woman nodded, "I had the same thing when I was young. But for me I had to buy them then change them then go back to shopping. The second time I came around the clerk looked at me in bewilderment. I had to explain what happened. I'll never forget that. Whelp looks like I'm done here. Take care." The lady smiled and waved before disappearing into the next aisle. Taking the diapers and the babies Kyo headed for the bathroom. Once inside she found that this was going to be a bigger task then she thought. The stall wouldn't be able to fit the stroller, her and the babies, much less let her change them. Luckily another mother was in there and saw her predicament. "Here, I can hold the other three babies while you change those two and then we'll switch." Kyo was much too thankful for the help to even be worried about the lady kidnapping her infants. Since Ani was already in her arms she changed him and Bui first. "How do you manage with five children?" Kyo gave a dry laugh. "They aren't mine. I'm only babysitting, but I don't know how I'm going to manage because they are going to be with me for a long time."

"Don't you have a husband or someone to help you?"

"Nope I'm not married or seeing anyone and most of my friends are guys and they would never let me live this down..." Kyo could sense that the lady was giving her a funny look. Dropping her voice dangerously low she added, "It's a long story. But I do have some female friends that would be delighted to help...I hope."


	3. Of Secrets and Cribs

_This is to Rose Maiden for she is the only one who reviewed so far...hope you enjoy. And Kuramasgal24. _

_Babysitter Dues: _

_ Of Secrets and Cribs Chpt.3_

There was a moment of clinking of silverware and the scraping of chairs then the sound of silence, until the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Oh, hey Yusuke."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I'm sorry Yusuke, I can't train...I'm babysitting...

Six months."

A burst of laughter rang through her ears and ensued throughout the room. The infants looked at her wide-eyed, food still clinging to their chins.

"What?! You with children?" Yusuke's voice pealed with laughter. Kyo just stood there in the kitchen with her hands on her hips glaring at the phone. "I'm sorry Kyo, but you've never seemed the type to _baby sit._"

"Well, gee Yusuke, you never seemed like the children type either!"

By now Yusuke was consumed in hysterical laughter. "I don't know what you think is so funny, but you better cut it out before I rip that precious voice box of yours out of your neck!" Yusuke's laughter quickly died. Kyo wasn't one to make idle threats. Kuwabara's voice could be heard in the background... "Let me talk to her."

"Kyo? You with children?" Kazuma's voice began to break trying to conceal his laughter.

"Go ahead, seeing as Yusuke already did." A faint 'Sorry Kyo' could be heard from behind Kazuma.

"Here, I'm going to give the phone to Kurama, I don't trust myself." _'I don't trust you either.'_ Kazuma had a hard time talking as bits of laughter intertwined with his speech. As soon as the phone was handed to Kurama, Kazuma took this opportunity to join Yusuke in laughing. "They love this don't they?"

"Sorry to say Kyo, but I find amusing as well..." Kurama's face flushed slightly, though it went unnoticed.

"And I suppose that once we're done talking, you're going to laugh to hunh?"

"No, Kurama has more self-control than that." Hiei had joined the conversation on another phone.

"And I suppose you do too hunh?"

"Hn."

"Great everyone's laughing at me, two of them are polite enough not to laugh in front of my face!" Yusuke took the phone from Kurama, "Kyo we're coming over...we wanna take a good look at these kids you're babysitting, we can't have you scaring them off now can we?" Yusuke chuckled at his own joke.

Kyo sat down next to Sakyo, head in her hands, she groaned. He looked up at her innocently. Through the gaps in her fingers she could see his face...it wasn't far from hers...the only gate between them were her interlocked fingers. "Yes?" She unlaced her fingers and peered at him through half closed eyelids.

"Whass wong?"

She smiled at him and kissed his forehead. 'They are my babies for six months might as well start acting like it.' "Nothing sweetheart...Yusuke's just giving me a hard time is all."

"Oh, otay." He smiled and settled down in her lap closing his eyes contentedly. With a flick of her hand two cribs appeared and she settled the other four into them leaving Sakyo in her lap. She looked down at the half sleeping form of Ototo and remembered he was still wearing his sunglasses. She shook her head. "No sunglasses in the house young man." She scolded half-heartedly. He just sighed and rolled over. Rolling her eyes she pulled out a book and curled up on the sofa.

It was getting late and she wondered if they were ever coming, soon enough she heard laughter and footsteps coming up the stone stairs of Genkai's temple. Genkai still lived there of course, but Kyo had persuaded her to take a little two-month vacation away from the Reikai Team. They came up the worn stone steps in pairs: Botan and Keiko, Yukina and Shizuru, Kurama and Hiei and finally last but not least Kazuma and Yusuke. The three girls rushed in leaving Shizuru to walk with the guys. Kyo looked at them warningly. "Hush, they're finally asleep." They nodded and quietly walked over to the crib. Kyo had undressed them and changed them into baby clothes so they didn't look very much like the team they had once formed. Thank god for that, she didn't know, or want to know what would happen if anyone of them found out. All at once the girls cooed softly. "They're so cute!" "Yeah Kyo, you're lucky." Keiko turned around to call out to Shizuru, "Shizuru c'mere and take a look at them, they're adorable. 'If only you knew who they were, I don't think you'd be saying that, I might, but not you.' Kyo snickered softly at that thought. Shizuru snorted, "I'm not much for infants...but they are cute." She cocked her head at the infant resting in Kyo's lap, her face darkened, but she shook it off, taking the time to pick up a sleeping Bui. He yawned a small, baby-like yawn and snuggled closer. Shizuru's face softened as she rocked him gently. She turned to face Kyo, "Your lucky sis, they're absolutely adorable."

Kyo grinned, "Too bad they aren't mine." They laughed gently.

The guys finally made it up the steps and into the house of course being as loud as guys can be, Keiko smacked them upside the head, and Kyo shot them a nasty glare. "They're asleep. Don't you have any manners?" Keiko answered Yusuke's ghost of a question. They rubbed their abused skulls and sauntered their way to the cribs. "Well whaddya know, Kyo ended up with all guys, feel sorry for them." It was Kyo's turn to smack Yusuke, this time he wasn't lucky and she sent him flying a bit. The rest of them chuckled slightly. "Hey Kyo?"

Without looking up to answer, "Yeah Keiko?"

"I was thinking..."

"Uh, oh Keiko is thinking...that's not a good idea..." Yusuke grinned, and Keiko slapped him, leaving a red handprint on his face.

"Why is it me that always gets abused?" Yusuke grumbled.

"Because you are a inconsiderate, pompous jerk Yusuke!"

"Sounds about right to me." Kyo agreed with a chuckle.

"Anyway, I was thinking, when you train us girls will watch the infants for you...what do you think?"

Kyo looked at the sleeping infants and a ghost of a smile played on her lips. "I don't know..."

"Oh, c'mon...they'll be safe..." Keiko picked up a resting Karasu, singing to him softly. She sat down at Kyo's feet turning her pleading eyes to Kyo's slightly worried face. "Please...!"

Ani, by this time, had stretched out seeing as Bui was taken out of his crib...Yukina giggled softly before picking him up and taking a seat beside Keiko. "Please Kyo, you want to train right? Now you can...please!"

Shizuru took a seat on the arm of the chair grinning, "Please Kyo...we really wanna!" She said mocking Keiko and Yukina's sweet voice. "C'mon sis, you know you want to...!" Botan came over holding a softly snoring Ototo and she to gave Kyo puppy eyes. Kyo threw her hands up in the air and groaned disturbing a slumbering Sakyo causing him to whimper a little. She hugged and rocked him, trying to get him to go back to sleep. "I give...fine...but! If one hair on their head is missing...!" She drew a finger across her throat to prove her point. They gulped and laughed nervously.

Finally the men made it into the room, but only Hiei stayed back 'Something's not right about these babies...but what?' Botan turned to Hiei, "C'mere Hiei, they're adorable!" "Hn. I don't do babies." Nonetheless he made his way over. "Hn. Yeah...cute." Botan rolled her eyes and held Ototo out to Hiei. He waved his hands in front of him backing away. "I told you I don't do babies." 'These aren't normal demon babies...but then what?' Kazuma took an interest in Ani while Kurama was bouncing a grinning Karasu on his knee. Kyo had to do everything not to laugh. 'Oh dear Koenma, so help me if they ever found out!'

It was midnight before the gang left, only Shizuru stayed behind and an unnoticed Hiei hiding in the shadows. "I appreciate you staying to help me put them to bed." Grinning at her sis, Kyo nestled Sakyo into her pillows on her bed while Shizuru put Bui and Ototo in one crib and Ani and Karasu in the other.

"Sure sis, but there's one question..."

'Oh, crap...she knows...' "Yeah?"

Shizuru sat next to the slumbering form of Sakyo and stroked his cheek. "This is really Sakyo isn't it? And these babies...they are really the Toguro Team right?"

Sighing, Kyo wouldn't meet Shizuru's gaze... "Yeah...instead of Ototo's punishment to go to limbo I had him turned into an infant...as well as the rest of the team..." Shizuru laughed. "Is that all? For how long?"

Kyo looked up. "Your not mad?"

"No...why would I?"

"I don't know...but please don't tell anyone!" Kyo gave such a pleading look Shizuru was a bit taken aback.

"Yeah sure kid I won't...don't worry."

Outside the door in the shadows stood a certain fire demon frowning...


	4. Of Bugs and Bunnies

_Oops sorry it was thanks to Rose Maiden and Kurama'sFanGirl24. And a very special thanks to TonyDiMerasbedroomslave...this chpt is for you. P.s I stole an idea from Kazima Kuwabara so props to her for the idea. It 'twas a very small one but still. song does not belong to me_

_Babysitter Dues: _

**Of Bugs and Bunnies Chpt.4**

A loud 'grarr' erupted from one of the infants. Kyo looked up to find Bui chewing on something. "Bui...spit it out." He looked at her with wide, curious eyes. "Spit it out!" She pointed to the ground to emphasize her point. He looked at her once again with wide innocent eyes before spitting out a half chewed grasshopper. She chuckled and went back to her book.

'Baby demons, so mischievous.' Again she heard a 'grarr' and was about to tell Bui to spit it out when she looked up to find Ototo leaping after a baby bunny. The bunny took one look at its pursuer and Kyo could have sworn that the baby rabbit gave Ototo a funny look before leaping over the fence. Him, being the curious baby demon he is, tried to leap over the fence as well only managing to hit his head on it. Rubbing his head he wailed loudly kicking and screaming. She dropped her book in a hurry to get there all the while trying to get him to calm down "Oh, no please don't cry, it's going to be all right." She yanked him off the ground hugging him tightly. Kissing the top of his head before she set him down again.

"Kyo-Chan! He stwole my worm!" setting her book down again sighing, Kyo got up for the second time that day. She walked over to where Bui and Karasu were supposedly playing nicely. She almost cried out when she saw what they were up to. There in between them was a worm, being stretched into odd angles, wiggling and squirming trying to slither free. Squatting down she lightly pried pudgy hands from the worm and set him down behind her. The worm, taking one last scared look at the infants, slithered off. "You shouldn't be playing with worms! Worms are icky...no good, icky!" They looked at her, lips quivering, eyes wide and child-like. Smiling softly she shook her head. "Nope, not this time, lets go wash your hands."

"But Kyo...!"

"No buts mister, now march!" Yanking them up by their wrists she marched them into the house.

Setting them up on stools one at a time she showed them how to wash their hands. They didn't take a liking to the idea very much. They splashed each other, getting soap all down their clothes and in their hair. Kyo sighed slapping her forehead. 'Aye! What am I going to do with them?' When they had enough they yawned and pressed themselves into Kyo half falling asleep. They left the bathroom floor wet and soapy, each other drenched and a very worn out Kyo, who had on an attire of bubbles. She stripped them while walking out to the yard. She left their clothes to lie out on the grass to dry and looked upon the others to make sure they were ok. When everything looked fine Kyo put each sleeping baby under her arm and carried them to be changed. Settling them into their cribs she kissed their foreheads and went back outside.

"Kyo-Chan...! I nweed a diapy change!" She sighed and made her way out of the chair for the third time that day. Expressionlessly she picked up a pouting Sakyo and made her way inside. Without pausing to stop she plucked a diaper out of the bag on the kitchen table and lightly whacked Sakyo on the head with it. "That was for making me get up." He pouted childishly at her folding his arms and making a little 'hmph!' before facing the other way.

"Mad ne?" She said grinning, kissing the top of his head.

Lifting his feet by the ankles she swapped on a new diaper. "Think you'll be good for a while?" He just looked at her and nodded grinning happily. "Good."

She lightly smacked his rear ushering him out the sliding glass door. She plopped down on the cool tile floor, shutting her eyes letting the cool air waft around her. Ani came crawling over looking at her with round, curious eyes before settling himself on her stomach. "Oomph! What's up?" She asked peering at him from her position on the floor.

"Me tiwered!"

"All right. Lets go." Scooping him up into her arms she staggered to her feet. She yanked a pale green baby blanket from a pile on the counter before heading to the room. She wrapped the downy blanket around him before rocking him to sleep.

_Sleep, my child, and peace attend thee,  
All through the night;  
Guardian angels God will send thee,  
All through the night;  
Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,  
Hill and vale in slumber sleeping,  
I my loving vigil keeping,  
All through the night.  
  
While the moon her watch is keeping,  
All through the night;  
While the weary world is sleeping,  
All through the night;  
O'er thy spirit gently stealing,  
Visions of delight revealing,  
Breathes a pure and holy feeling,  
All through the night._

She smiled as she turned out the light and went to sit down out in the sun.


End file.
